Life From The Perspective Of An Undergraduate – Convenient Friendships

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

One thing I will never understand is how someone can be a friend only when it’s convenient. How are you able to say we’re “friends” if you only want to hang out when you’re bored, or you want me to drop everything to come to you every time? I don’t get it. I doubt you want a sermon from me about what I think, but buckle up because you’re about to get one.

We need to surround ourselves with people who love themselves so that they are also capable of loving us.

When I turned 18, my sister and I got matching tattoos that say, “Love comes back to you.” We decided upon this statement for several reasons. Growing up in the foster care system, we learned a lot about love. Unfortunately, we learned how to appear to be loving from an outsider’s perspective, how to love conditionally, how to love temporarily, and thankfully, how to love wholeheartedly. Most importantly, we learned that if we don’t love ourselves, not only will other people also not love us, but we won’t love them.

Think about that statement. What does it mean to love yourself? Always doubting yourself, reminding yourself of your insecurities, judging other people because they seem “too confident”, etc. These are not loving and are tell-tale signs that you need some alone time. You need to find things to be proud of yourself for, and things you want to show the world about yourself.

If you’re always bringing people down because of your own self-hatred, your friendships will be shallow, short-lived, and toxic. Sadly, you will be the source of the toxicity, and you will see these same cycles play out again and again. No one wants to be around a person who is an emotional drain all day every day, so as much as it hurts, people will not love you.

The other side of this coin is your ability to love other people. If you cannot appreciate the most magnificent things you see everyday in yourself, how can you truly appreciate the smallest things in someone else? How can you see their beauty without wishing it for yourself, even ever-so-slightly? How can you see their failure and not feel even the tiniest hint of happiness that they were less than adequate at something? You cannot both love someone and wish that you were better than them. Therefore you cannot love yourself and wish you were prettier, funnier, or someone else entirely.

Now, don’t take this the wrong way and think that means you can’t be ambitious. There is nothing wrong with wearing make-up, or straightening your curly hair. Of course you can take an improv comedy course and still have a healthy self-esteem. All I am saying is that you need to accept who you are today, and know that there are great things about you that make your life valuable. Once you believe that, other people will too. Likewise, if you don’t believe it, neither will anyone else.


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