I Am All That Is Wrong With The Service Industry

My coworker asked how my morning is going….
 
[9/22/2017 11:35 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I just figured I’d get up for the day at 630
 
[9/22/2017 11:36 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
so I decided “hey, I could sign on to lyft and get a ride or 2 in before work”
 
[9/22/2017 11:36 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
so i do
 
[9/22/2017 11:36 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
and i get a request
 
[9/22/2017 11:36 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
it’s 20 minutes away, so I’m hemming and hawing about whether or not I’ll take it, but finally, I give in
 
[9/22/2017 11:36 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
so here I am. first thing in the morning, scuttling along to KY to give some lovely person a much needed lyft
 
[9/22/2017 11:37 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
now, the thing about lyft is that it’s not entirely accurate
 
[9/22/2017 11:37 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
sometimes it’ll send you a few hundred yards behind where your passenger is, sometimes it lands you a little bit beyond where they are
 
[9/22/2017 11:38 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
so you factor this in and you look for street signs before you mark yourself as “arrived”
 
[9/22/2017 11:39 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
now, this is what I was preparing for this morning…I’m supposed to pick up some ho-ho-ho named Cherie at some hotel downtown. So I’m leaning over my steering wheel, driving slowly and scanning the buildings for their names, when all of the sudden
 
[9/22/2017 11:39 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
BAM! BAM! BAM!
 
[9/22/2017 11:39 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
LITTLE MISS HO-HO-HO IS SMACKING ON THE TRUNK OF MY CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET
 
[9/22/2017 11:40 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
taken aback, I roll down my window to say something (I have no idea what) and she IMMEDIATELY starts popping off
 
[9/22/2017 11:40 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
she’s like “801 S Whatever street means 801 S Whatever! NOT a block away from 801!”
 
[9/22/2017 11:41 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: –_____–
 
[9/22/2017 11:41 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
she keeps going, “are you going to open your trunk???
 
[9/22/2017 11:41 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: pops trunk
 
[9/22/2017 11:41 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
her: puts luggage in trunk, slams trunk closed, gets in
 
[9/22/2017 11:42 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: would you like another driver? I can sit with you until one arrives
 
[9/22/2017 11:42 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: *snarky af*
 
[9/22/2017 11:42 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
her: NO, I want you to take me to the airport!!!!
 
[9/22/2017 11:42 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: says nothing.
 
[9/22/2017 11:42 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
for. the. whole. ride.
 
[9/22/2017 11:43 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
so I leave the window rolled down from when I first pulled up to her because it’s muggy out and now I just want to be annoying
 
[9/22/2017 11:43 AM] Co-worker:
oh dear god
 
[9/22/2017 11:43 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
Spotify must have caught on because just then, my podcast started talking about whether or not one should flip a coin to decide whether to murder someone
 
[9/22/2017 11:43 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: *enjoys this*
 
[9/22/2017 11:44 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
then I start to feel bad about the window, so I roll it up…spotify continues on the ethics of chance murder
 
[9/22/2017 11:45 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
I get close to the airport and Lyft chimes up saying, “you have arrived”…but we’re in the middle of the highway
 
[9/22/2017 11:45 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: *sees opportunity to continue being petty*
 
[9/22/2017 11:45 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: “for future reference, the GPS on Lyft isn’t entirely accurate. For example, the app would have me drop you here in oncoming traffic :)”
 
[9/22/2017 11:48 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
her: “well if you would use common sense, you would know that I was standing between two hotels [mind you there were several people out on the sidewalks, so it was not in fact commonsensical to assume that any one of these was ho-ho-ho Cherie] instead of being defensive”
 
[9/22/2017 11:48 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
ME: OFFENDED TO THE CORE
 
[9/22/2017 11:49 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
Me: *says nothing* *pulls over immediately, without asking which terminal she needs* *pops trunk*
 
[9/22/2017 11:49 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
her: gets out, gets luggage out of trunk, shuts it
 
[9/22/2017 11:49 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: drives away the second my trunk closes
 
[9/22/2017 11:50 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
*rates the ho-ho-ho with 1 star and comments that she is exceptionally rude*
 
[9/22/2017 11:50 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
lyft support: emails me and apologizes for her royal brattiness and promises not to let her negativity affect my rating
 
[9/22/2017 11:51 AM] Delong, Stephanie:
me: smug that she’s probably writing some raging review that I will never see and won’t effect me in the least
 
 
 
I’ll bet he never asks me how my morning is going again.
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